Do I know when I will write it? Not even a little bit. It was little idea while i was walking some days ago and i just wrote some lines. But yep exes to lovers buddie here (they dated after 3x10 but after well Eddie ended it)
Eddie hates that he can’t see Buck now. He hates that so far they let only a family in his room. He hates that none of the doctors will talk to him. And he hates how his heart screams that he could be the main person now in everything that concerns Buck, that if he hadn’t ended their relationship then, perhaps now he could have a ring on his finger and the opportunity to know everything as a husband.
Eddie is sure that they could have actually been married by now. Because Buck or even he couldn’t be dating more than a year without popping a question. Eddie is almost sure Buck would be on his knees with the most breathtaking speech Eddie ever heard, despite Buck’s stuttering at almost every word it would be perfect for Eddie because it would be the best moment in his life except the moment Chris was born.
But they’re not married and he’s just a best friend.
All they had apart from years of friendship was three months when Eddie allowed himself to be happy, three months when he allowed himself to want and have, and then threw them away to suffer himself and see how Buck suffers, which only made everything for him worse.
All these months, Eddie can’t stop wondering if that look and Buck’s slight emphasis on the words about the couch meant that Buck begged him to tell him that they could try again, that Buck gave him a chance to say “let’s do it again, but this time will do it right, okay?”. The chance to tell him that Eddie’s in love and his attempt not to fall in love with Buck is long dead.
Dead as Buck was in his hands. And maybe he will be again soon. Because Bobby said Buck was in a coma, said that everything looks bad and that the doctors miraculously did not lose him again.
The doctors said there was little chance Buck would wake up again and they should be prepared.
And Eddie wants to scream that it’s not fair, that they should work better, should do more, should give him his lover back.
But more he wants to cry wrapped up in the hoodie Buck left the day Eddie told him they should finish their “thing”(Eddie still remembers he never could actually name it somehow and Buck let him never name it) before he’s in love if only he knew it wouldn’t save him.
Then maybe he heard Buck say he loved him at least once. He could hear it every day he thinks with bitterness like someone poured vinegar in his mouth, because Buck would love him fully with his big heart, never letting Eddie even question his love. He would always show Eddie how much he’s loved. But it was never their case. Because Eddie was a coward and asshole and broke the best thing he had in his hands when it was so little, scared it would kill him one day. He was so scared of loving Buck that he never considered that never has a chance to love Buck before one of them dies, it’s worse. So now he is drowning in the pain of the possible loss of half of his heart and not knowing if Buck is still in love. Not knowing if he has a chance if Buck would open his incredible sky eyes.
finding our way (back home) by cnomad (5/5 | 91k+ | M) 5.10 canon compliant; slow burn; mutual pining; minor buck/taylor; angst w/ a happy ending
when eddie left the 118, he promised buck that nothing would change. but six weeks later, things were strained between them as eddie tried to adjust to his new role at dispatch while buck decided to take a major step forward in his relationship. after a series of revelations forced buck and eddie to confront what they really wanted out of life, it was up to them to find their way back to each other.
back home.
excerpt:
He was still staring at his abuela, fumbling with what to say. She sighed, and reached up to touch his cheek. “Christopher is a smart boy, Eddito. He knows when you are not happy. Just like I do. Tell me, please.”
Her words were gentle, and Eddie finally relented. He shrugged. “The job is just different, Abuela. I’m adapting. But it’ll get better, I promise.”
“And what does your Buck say?” she asked, as her wrinkled fingers stroked his cheek tenderly.
“My Buck?” he repeated, confused.
“Yes,” she said simply. “What does he say?”
He thought back to the night before, of the conversation he and Buck had shared—Buck who was currently on a road trip with his girlfriend—and said, “He, uh—he said he wants me to be happy.”
She smiled up at him, the laugh lines etched deep into her face. “So do what you need to be happy.”
“I don’t know what that means,” he said, fighting the whine in his voice.
Abuela laughed. “You will learn; it takes time. But you have people who love you and will help. Me, our family, your boys.”
hmmmm unfortunate consequence of representation discourse is that a certain kind of person will call something bad representation if it doesn’t conform to their specific vision of or experience as the identity being portrayed like believe it or not minorities are not a monolith and sometimes the representation isn’t promoting a harmful narrative or stereotype it’s just representing someone that isn’t you
the reason i want buck and eddie to have a real, serious fight in s7 is because they love each other so much that they could really hurt each other terribly if pushed to it. and i think that would absolutely delicious to watch play out.
